It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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