I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
