1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
