You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She said her name was "party"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
