you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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