i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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