I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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