Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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