so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
