Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
