I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
