Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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