Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
