everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
being pregnant is like rehab
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
