I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
