I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
