he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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