i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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