apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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