I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
