Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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