Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
