I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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