It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
