a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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