its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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