it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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