he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
