my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
