Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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