I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize