I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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