Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
