Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
