I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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