Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
