I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
