thus making me awesome and them whores
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
