we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
