How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
