We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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