Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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