Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
