it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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