he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
