pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
