im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
