Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
