Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize