So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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