I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
