drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
that is very illegal...i love you.
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