Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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