i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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