Grow some girl-balls and come out already
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
