Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
