You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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