I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
