my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
