And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
