You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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