Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
