I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
