I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she peed on how many people?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
