im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
