I haven't been this sober since birth.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
