she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
