An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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