I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You smell like stripper and shame
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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