remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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