He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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