Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
