Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
