the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
