Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
