There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
