So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
