I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
