I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
