At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
