He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
