I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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